Embracing Spiral Time, Non-Linearity, and Setting Goals That Honor Your Unique Rhythms
Estimated read time: 14-18 mins
As someone that’s worked in education my entire adult life, the start of the new school year has always felt like a time of new beginnings – much more of a “new year” than January 1st, which doesn’t hold much personal significance. It feels fitting that autumn represents a time of change for me. My ancestors ushered out the old year and welcomed in the new during Samhain, the end of the harvest season, October 31st.
Bonfires were lit, people went mumming and guising (a precursor to modern trick or treating), and a place was set at the table to welcome passed-on loved ones who had crossed the threshold. Beautifully liminal, and without the January 1st pressure to set bigger and better resolutions, do more, and amp up one’s efforts.
I like the idea of the new year as a quieter time, when everything begins to slow down and prepare for a long period of stillness and hibernation. Reflecting on the seasons of the year makes me think of how important periods of slowness and stillness are – just as much as the times of intense focus, work, and activity. Marta Rose of the Spiral Lab talks a lot about “spiral time”, something many of us neurodivergent folk experience, particularly those of us with ADHD.
We might experience time in more cyclical or non-linear ways, or see recurring patterns or phases in our focus, energy levels, or mood. A common pattern is a period of hyperfocus followed by slowing down, difficulty engaging, or even burnout. Our “progress” toward a goal may not be linear. We may experience low-spoon days and sudden bursts of creative energy. Our perception of time may even differ from our peers, which can manifest as things like struggling to get a feel for how long something takes or showing up to appointments late.
The concept of non-linear or cyclical time is nothing new, with roots in many indigenous cultures and spiritual traditions (as well as our natural world).
Unfortunately, many of us don’t exist in spaces where spiral time is given the same respect and weight as a sense of linear time and progress. Where I live in the U.S., industrialization and capitalism have imposed a linear, clock-based sense of time, often perceived as a straight line moving from the past through the present and into the future. There is an emphasis on continuous progress, development, and achieving goals, moving from start to finish (often with a sense of urgency and utmost efficiency).
It’s hard to avoid engaging in this perception of time. It’s embedded into systems we must interact with daily (school, work…)
It is thus, a most pleasurable act of resistance, to uncover where we can push back and carve out little spiral-y spaces for ourselves. Let’s say you have a writing project due soon. Perhaps embracing spiral time could mean:
Puttering around for a few hours
Priming your brain to engage with the project by going on a walk and listening to a podcast about it
Playing with your dog
Having some tea and writing the conclusion of your piece first (because a really cool idea just came to you)
Then sketching at the park (because engaging in a creative practice fuels you)
And finally, at 10 pm, spending 3 hours hyperfocused on the writing project, churning out a big chunk of information that you’ll then ruminate on for two more weeks before making some last-minute edits. Step-by-step outline, who?
Of course, we don’t always have the gift of time to spare. And, there’s so much guilt and shame lobbed at us when we work this way, and this often leads to hours-long caffeine-fueled marathon writing sessions the night before a project is due, with many of those prime “procrastination” hours being spent in self-hating paralysis, distraction, and numbing rather than embracing the natural spiral of things and letting our brains work the way they work best.
I’ve witnessed and experienced a lot of this guilt and shame firsthand. At my old job, I was responsible for coaching our staff of tutors through the process of writing and submitting notes on their sessions by a specific deadline. Naturally, given that a large chunk of our staff was neurodivergent, this task alone probably secured me stable employment for a good few years.
So much effort was spent by our administrative staff trying to nudge, plead, and coerce tutors into doing this task in a very specific, linear, and timely way. For many folks, this created more shame and resistance around the task. Their log of missing notes would pile up, and then eventually, after several stern-but-friendly reminder emails had been sent and ignored, they would all get written in a blaze of glory, missing a bunch of the things we asked them to include.
I had to learn to get creative about how I offered support to these tutors. There was, of course, a bigger systemic barrier these folks had to work around – the job requirement of submitting the notes by the deadline.
As a person who was a tutor but also a supervisor, I was in a weird blurry space of being both part of the system that was enforcing the difficult task as well as part of the group that had to figure out how to navigate the difficult task (thankfully, this was not one of the tasks where my EF challenges showed up).
As much as I could, I encouraged our team (and myself) to question the “why”: why were we having staff write session notes in this specific fashion? Were there parts of the task we could be flexible on? Who would that impact? Was the trade-off worth it? Was there another way of doing things that could lessen the burden and stress on our neurodivergent staff who struggled with the many executive functions required for the task – managing their time, initiating the act of writing, keeping track of details, shifting their focus from student to notes and back again, and so on?
One of our official “intervention” procedures was to set SMART goals with staff members who struggled. That…didn’t happen too often.
SMART goals tend to be rigid and require those same tricky executive function skills (planning, organization, time management…). Spiral-y folks can struggle with the pressure, linearity, and perfectionism associated with these kinds of goals.
Instead, I had a lot of conversations with folks where we got curious about what their barriers were and what accommodations or interventions would feel supportive. We incorporated some of the SMART goal stuff – such as getting specific about the things they’d try that week. But we also allowed for flexibility (maybe they needed to write a fleshed-out note for their SAT prep student who needed more scaffolding but could just write a line or two about their first-grader whose family sat in on the session anyway). I suggested they try a lot of the same strategies we used with our students – yeah, basics like setting timers, but also things like incorporating sensory joy and their personal motivators into the process and making the task visible, novel, and accessible. And sometimes I’d just body double with folks while they wrote their notes.
These tutors would have hard days and easier days; sometimes they’d write really useful session notes, and other weeks, they’d write nothing (or the dreaded minimalist “We worked on math. Good job!”) Through it all, they continued showing up for their students – beautifully flawed and human. And that’s kind of what mattered.
If I were traveling back in time, back to when I first started that job, I’d probably ask myself to consider that exact question: what really matters here?
Maybe the SMART goal we needed all along was how to be kinder to ourselves and accept that we were gonna drop the ball sometimes. And that, if a parent or kid’s caregiver got really pissed at the lack of useful updates, and felt left in the dark about their kid’s progress, we could engage in repair and conversation with them and continue to work on finding a way to meet everyone’s needs. I’d recognize that there were a multitude of ways to achieve what was supposed to be the purpose of writing the session notes: creating strong and communicative relationships with the families we partnered with.
That lesson — that there is more than one way to achieve a goal, and the process is often not linear — is one that’s become important in my practice.
So what do we do with this realization? After all, here we are, a fresh school year ahead of us, with new beginnings and inevitable goal-setting looming on the horizon. We know that not everyone will understand or validate spiral-y ways of working.
Cue that overwhelm and shame and guilt we talked about earlier:
“I procrastinated so much last year and it just about killed me.”
“This year is going to be so busy.”
“I should have studied more, I barely passed.”
“I should have tried harder.”
“Why is it so hard for me?”
And also those innocently-hopeful, January-1st-level, well-intentioned intentions:
“I’m going to stay on top of EVERYTHING this year and use my planner EVERY day.”
“I’m going to get all A’s AND join track AND do an internship AND volunteer.”
“I’m going to quit coffee cold-turkey.”
“If I just try harder, I can do it.”
No scaffolding. No self-compassion. No realism. Just pure blissful dreams and vibes.
Hear me out: we’re not wrong for wanting these things or setting goals that might feel a bit (or a lot) out of reach.
That said, we can identify places where it’s safe to embrace the spiral-y nature of our tendencies. We can work toward acceptance of how our brains and bodies actually function, not just the way we want them to, and then set goals in alignment with that.
We can decide when our own beginnings happen. We can decide when it makes sense to set clear scaffolded goals vs embrace the unknown.
“Okay, so…I DO want to set goals. And I also want them to be realistic.”
I’ve found there are a few core things to keep in mind when creating goals that embrace the spiral: specificity, balance, flexibility, and self-compassion.
The process can look like this:
1. Cultivate an affirming space for your goal-setting practice:
Be mindful of how you’re approaching this task. Whose needs are you centering? Are you meeting yourself where you’re at? Are you judging and shaming yourself before you even start? *pointed stare*
Consider where the desire for the goal is coming from. Are you centering someone else’s values or starting from a place of shame?
Consider what would help you feel more in control of your choices and the pace at which you approach your goals.
Acknowledge and validate your strengths and efforts: build upon those strengths and embrace the non-linearity of the process rather than focusing solely on deficits or challenges.
Acknowledge and celebrate progress, no matter how small.
Facilitate mindfulness and self-awareness:
Be mindful of your capacity, limits, strengths, energy levels, needs, values, and boundaries when setting goals.
Identify patterns, cause-and-effect, and aspects of the goals that are within your control vs. outside of your control
Ask questions that facilitate deeper thinking about why things are working vs. not working
Identify the options available to you, and build flexibility into your plans to accommodate changing circumstances, energy levels, and schedules
Decide how you’ll measure progress and what success feels like to you
Check in often with yourself:
Regularly reflect on how things are going (a weekly EF coach can be helpful with this!)
Tweak and adjust your goals and plans as needed
“What form might my goal-setting and reflection take?”
A conversation with yourself or a loved one
A written journal prompt (open-ended or scaffolded questions)
Making a mind map, vision board, collage, or art
Using apps and online tools like mood trackers or journaling apps
Whatever method you choose, the idea is to be able to pause, look back on your experiences, consider your existing wisdom, and uncover insights and patterns that may shape how you move in the present and future.
“I’m ready to set some goals. I need some ideas for reflection questions!”
The Basics
What intentions did I set for myself last (school) year?
How have I spiraled closer to those intentions, even if the path wasn't linear?
What challenges did I encounter along the way, and how did I adapt / address them?
What strategies and supports nurtured my growth last year?
Have my priorities evolved throughout last year? If so, what insights guided those changes?
How do I define success for myself in a way that honors my unique rhythms? How will I recognize when I've moved closer to my intentions?
What might I want to approach differently this year and why?
Gettin' Deeper
What are my strengths and areas of growth in different aspects of my journey?
What kind of feedback have I received from trusted peers, mentors, and loved ones, and how does it resonate with my own reflections?
How can I weave regular self-assessment and reflection into my learning practice in a way that feels natural and sustainable?
Did I develop any new habits or perspectives last year? How have they shaped my learning and life?
Was there a moment or experience that expanded my understanding or challenged my beliefs in a meaningful way?
How can I cultivate more balance, allowing space for rest, reflection, and renewal this year?
Gettin' Real Deep
What did last year teach me about myself, and how have I grown from those lessons?
Who showed up for me last year? How can I continue to nurture the connections that I value in a way that feels authentic?
What do I want to embrace about myself and others in my life as I continue to grow?
How did I navigate uncomfortable feelings? How might I want to approach them with more compassion in the future?
How did I care for myself last year, and what practices can I continue or deepen in the future?
What is one boundary I'd like to create to protect my peace, reclaim time, or nurture my energy?
What beliefs or mindsets would I like to shift or release? What new perspectives feel more aligned with who I am becoming? How can I gently cultivate this new mindset?
What material or physical things contributed positively or negatively to my well-being last year? What "stuff" would I like more or less of in my life moving forward?
How did I spend my time and energy last year? How did it feel to use my time and energy in those ways? How could I make gentle shifts to better align with my needs, values, and goals?
“Okay...now what do I do with my answers?”
1. Visualize Your Wonderfully Spiral-y Journey
Visual representations of your goals can be a nice reminder and tool for reflection. This could be a mind map with images connecting in different ways rather than a linear step-by-step list. Or a menu of choices that helps you practice your goal with flexibility depending on your energy level.
Instead of setting rigid deadlines, identify milestones or markers along your spiral path that can serve as touchpoints for reflection, allowing you to celebrate progress and adjust as needed.
2. Make some (Flexible) Action Plans
Identify specific actions you can take to work toward your goal. “Be a better student” or “Do better at work” isn’t specific. What does “better” look like for you? What concrete things do you want to do? Why do you have this goal?
Remember: there are likely multiple ways of meeting a goal! What could those options look like? Where can you allow flexibility? (in what gets done, when it gets done, how it gets done, where it gets done, and what order it gets done in). What are the potential consequences of doing so, and are you comfortable with that?
Visualize your options as a scale rather than all-or-nothing. Or as different plants in a garden. You can decide to cultivate new seeds, tend to existing plants, or let certain areas rest. Your garden reflects the natural ebb and flow of your energy and priorities. Perhaps you want to work toward doing more or less of a certain thing, or perhaps you want to maintain your current pace until you have more spoons available.
Break down your goals into smaller, manageable actions that feel doable and aligned with your current energy and resources.
Embrace fluidity from the beginning: Plan for things to take longer than expected. Anticipate that you will have roadblocks and things will get messy. Make those things an accepted part of your plan / journey and account for them.
Build in regular check-ins with yourself to reassess and adjust your actions based on what feels right at that moment.
3. Get Real Honest with Yourself + Incorporate Regular Reflection
You WILL experience challenges in your journey. Consider potential obstacles from the beginning and brainstorm strategies that might feel supportive when those challenges happen. What have you done in the past to cope? What motivates you when the going gets tough? What supports or people have you leaned on? How do you want to be held accountable?
Set aside time every so often to revisit your spiral map and goals. Reflect on what's working, what needs adjustment, and how you're feeling about your progress.
Celebrate small victories and be gentle with yourself when things don't go as planned.
4. Seek Support and Collaborate
Share your goals with trusted friends, mentors, or loved ones who can offer support, encouragement, and accountability. Collaborate with other folks who resonate with your sense of time and way of working.
Identify tools, practices, and resources that can support you in your journey. These aren’t one-size-fits all! A trusted coach can help you identify what works best for you.
“How can I check in with myself to see if my process is working for me?”
Here are some questions you can reflect on periodically:
How am I feeling? (See if you can pinpoint sensations, even if you’re not sure what you’re feeling. Some folks like using an emotion wheel to help with the process.)
How would I like to feel?
What are some small things I can do to help me shift the way I'm feeling?
In terms of my goals, what's going well? What did I follow through on? (celebrate the smallest victories and moments of practicing skills, not just measurable or visible progress)
What obstacles am I coming up against?
Why do they feel challenging?
What have I tried to navigate them so far?
How well is that working?
What else would I like to try?
What core beliefs do I hold (about myself, others, the world, etc) that are making it challenging to achieve what I want?
Where do those beliefs come from?
How are those beliefs serving my needs vs not serving my needs?
What would I like to shift about these beliefs?
What systemic obstacles am I navigating?
Of my obstacles and challenges, what is in my control? What is outside of my control?
(You may want to try making a circles of control visual)
What tools and strategies will I use this week?
How will I stay accountable when things get challenging?
As we move through the current stage of whatever cycle we’re in, let’s remember that the paths we traverse are often not straightforward, and that’s okay. The twists and turns offer insights, lessons, joy, lows and highs, moments of slowness and stillness. They’re a part of the experience.